I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
