Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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