we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
