Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
