If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
