bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
