i was rollin on her like bob the builder
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
