butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
