so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
