STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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