It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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