Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
