the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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