uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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