I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
