Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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