so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
