His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
