Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
