Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
