I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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