Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
