i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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