the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
