How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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