Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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