There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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