I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
