You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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