No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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