how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
