New invention idea: vibrating tampons
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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