im drinking this country out of the recession.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
