I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
