i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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