I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
