why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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