She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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