i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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