Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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