if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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