Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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