i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
