i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
only if we run a train.
done.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
