well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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