Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
