I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
