I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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