u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
