im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
