He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry my hands just texted you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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