Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Randomize
