Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
