I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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