Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
