Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
