She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How external is "for external use only"?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
