ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
