You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
