??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
