what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
