if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
