Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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