; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
