A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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