And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
