just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
