they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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