a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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