Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
