I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
